Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Seven Year Itch

Hello, Sunshine



I celebrated my seventh wedding anniversary yesterday and "Grow Old With You" was our first dance song. Right after our bridal party entered to the theme song from Golden Girls, and we hopped in to the theme from The Love Boat. Clearly, we're the coolest couple you know.

I did some thinking yesterday. About love and marriage and romance and writing. And here's what I've come up with.

First: Marriage is really all about math. It's 30% talking about bodily functions, 30% discussing what you want for dinner, 30% arguing over how to load the dishwasher properly, and 10% agreeing you like each other enough NOT to follow through on those murder plans. You know, like when you say, "OH MY GOD. If I find your towel on the floor one more time I'm gonna smother you with it in your sleep!"

...or maybe that's just us.

Kasey and I have been together since we were kids. I was eighteen, he was twenty when we met. He likes to say he first noticed my red hair then my big boobs. I'll give you one guess as to what he likes more. He doesn't call me Boobs McGee for nothing. A true romantic, this one.

Yes, that one. The one with the tongue. He's mine.


My second thought: Romance writers are actually pragmatists. If we weren't realistic about love, we wouldn't be able to tell a truthful story. Love isn't full of hearts and unicorns. Sometimes it's difficult or ugly, misunderstood and impatient. It can happen at the most inopportune times or shatter like glass with the slightest pressure. It's what everyone wants but can seem like the pot at the end of a leprechaun's rainbow.

It could be argued I fell in love with Kasey at first sight. After our first date, I went home and told my mom I wanted to marry him. True story. But I also had a terrible bout of cold feet a few months before we were married and ran-rather, flew-to LA for a week to decide whether I wanted to marry him or not. See? Pragmatic. I don't believe in soulmates. I don't believe in destiny either.

I know. I said it. 

But I do think we carve our own future with the choices we make. Humans could fall in love with a lot of people, many times over. Hell, Hozier falls in love with someone new every day, according to his song. I just happen to really adore Kasey and think Darwinism created a close to perfect specimen in him. And I want to keep him. And call him my squishy. Hopefully, if we keep working at it, we'll stay married forever and ever. Maybe meet each other again in the next life. Although, I'd really like to come back as something else. Maybe a gazelle. Or cheetah. Something that can run really fast.

Which brings me to my third point: Romance, as we know it, is bullshit. It's pretty, good for making money on Valentine's Day, and completely false advertising. Romance, while nice, is not Heath Ledger singing to Julia Stiles. It's not meeting at the top of the Empire State Building. It's not holding a boombox outside of a window or clumsily falling into a bagazillionaire who has a penchant for BDSM. And it's certainly not any goddamn Nicholas Sparks books/movies, but let's not pull out my feminist soap box right now.



Yet after seven years of marriage, I think I've finally figured out what romance is. It's waking up every day next to the same person and keeping your commitment to him or her. It's deciding that the grass doesn't look all that much greener from this side. It's learning to fall asleep with the television on because I like light and noise to go to bed. It's making him his favorite dinner even though I'm off meat again. (It happens every so often) It's looking each other in the eye when we say, "I love you." It's the little moments in between all the big stuff. Because it's those little moments when we fall in love all over again. Anyone can buy a big teddy bear and hire a skywriter, but no one can smile his slightly gap-toothed smile, pet my hair, and say, "You're so beautiful," in the middle of a commercial break while we watch Once Upon A Time quite like he can.

Plus, I mean...he's just so handsome. I write romance because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And in times likes these, who wants to read about aliens attacking the planet or boring business memoirs? I'd much rather fall in love. Over and over and over. So, while I enjoy living out my happily ever after, I hope everyone out there is too! (Cue John Legend)

Can you even with that face? Me either.



#AllOfMeLovesAllOfYou

Suz